Can Chutney Really Cure Cabin Fever?
by The Cybershopaholic
As I was pacing around the kitchen trying to come up with a topic for this essay, Mr. Wonderful, trying to be helpful, asked, "Well, what have you been doing lately?".
I said, "Nothing, absolutely nothing! I have not set foot outside the house in weeks, except to grocery shop and that didn't go well. The produce guy almost called security on me when I bought a cup of coffee, parked my shopping cart with the two kids in it next to the cabbage and said, reading from his name tag, "You know um, Stan, it's been a while, how have you been? What's new in cabbage this season? Read any good bar codes lately?"".
He asked if we knew each other. I said, "No. Isn't it sad that I buy this produce and don't even know the people who stack it so beautifully for me?". I began to weep. He looked nervous and ran off to mist the broccoli. That's Stan for you, so dedicated.
Anyway, by the time I finished my coffee and the kids had shrieked their way down the cereal aisle, I realized that cabin fever had taken its toll. I knew I had crossed a line and needed help when I bought the cereal the kids wanted based solely on the toy in the box. I completely ignored the fact that it was 100% raw sugar.
I tried to relieve my mental pressure with some good ol' fashioned online retail therapy. There is something magical about the number '70', isn't there? Anytime I see a posting on Dealofday that mentions 70% off, I am there. I don't care what it is. I was shopping with concentrated effort one night on the Saks Fifth Avenue website. I was just about to select this beautiful green leather turtleneck when Mr. Wonderful happened to glance over my shoulder and casually wondered out loud "Are you insane?!?!" He was hyperventilating over the price tag. I reassured him that while $269.00 seemed expensive, it was originally $896.00. I pointed out the hefty savings. He said that he hoped it was warm, because such savings would get our heat shut off and did I really need designer leather clothing, since all I ever wore was jeans with T-shirts or cotton turtlenecks and did that designer have small children wiping their noses on those expensive sleeves in mind when he originally fashioned the garment? Hammering home his point he queried, "Does that particular shade of green coordinate well with snot?". Deciding he was onto something, I deleted the contents of my shopping cart. He went off to chew some Maalox.
Still a bit depressed, I went back to the DOD boards where I spied another 70%-off sale. I could not resist, even though my ears were still ringing from my last shopping misadventure. This time I was wandering up and down the virtual aisles of Tavolo. Mmmmmm, so many goodies; such amazing markdowns. Oooh, that looks good and that and a little of this. Before I knew what I was doing, my cabin-fevered brain had ordered up $37.00 worth of chutney.
Once again Mr. Wonderful cruised by my monitor just before I clicked on "submit". "Chutney?!?", he shrieked. "Sure, chutney, I thought you liked chutney", I said defensively. He glared at me, speechless. I babbled on. "I thought the kids might enjoy a change of pace instead of catsup all the time. You know, a little chutney on their fish sticks, a dab on their tater tots, maybe a dollop in the ol' Cap'n Crunch, just to add a little zip to their mornings." He asked if I thought it was wise to give kids consuming big bowl fulls of sugarcoated sugar cubes an extra zip? I hated to admit that once again, he had a point.
He gently but firmly took the mouse out of my hand and turned off the computer. Hugging me close, he said tenderly, "Ya know honey, Spring is coming, everything will be OK". I hugged him back, knowing he was right. I also knew that $52.00 worth of gourmet chocolate would arrive in 2-3 business days and Spring would be here before the credit card statement. Surely by then I would think up a good explanation.
Posted by mayor at March 31, 2005 11:18 PM
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