Darn Young Whippersnapper!

Hello all, this is Mr. Whiskers, I am borrowing mom's computer while she is asleep. I have heard her talk about this website an awful lot and thought it would be a good place to air my grievances, since she says there are so many wonderful people here.

First off, you have to understand, I am a PEOPLE cat. From the moment I was born, when my furry mother couldn't take care of me, my PEOPLE mom did, and I have never looked back.

I have found that other cats are ridiculously silly, all they want to do it sleep. Don't they realize what they are missing looking out the windows all day? Why, if I fall asleep, I could miss a bird in the yard, or a homeless cat who has the audacity to step on my property. I just can't take that kind of risk, no nap is worth that.

Anyway, what I am really here to talk about is that young WHIPPERSNAPPER who moved in last year. I can't believe mom just let him move in like that! What was she thinking? Ever since the day he came through the door, I have gotten no respect. I AM IN CHARGE HERE and he just doesn't care. What on earth am I supposed to do about this?

I tried growling and hissing at him, but it just doesn't get through his thick skull. The little jerk just continues on with what he is doing like I am not even here. I have never met such a disrespectful bundle of fleas in my life. How can I handle this? I am 5 years old, I have always been in charge.

I mean come on, the first week he was here, I was just minding my own business getting a drink, when he decided he JUST HAD to drink from the same bowl. I said NO WAY, and do you know what he had the nerve to do??? That's right, that little brat just walked RIGHT UNDER me and had the nerve to start drinking anyway, like I wasn't even standing there. I have to admit, I was taken aback and took off to think things through. Well, if that wasn't enough, mom and dad thought that little beast had faced me down!! Oh, the humiliation.

I knew I had to put a stop to that kind of thinking right away. I waited until he was walking into the diningroom, this time, I would put him in his place! I turned to him and with all the ferocity I could muster, I hissed, then to make it even more intimidating, I growled. But wait, he didn't run and hide, he just stared at me. Then he started walking in circles around me, slowly getting closer and closer. What in the world? No one has ever been able to withstand on of my planned attacks before. I had to go into hiding again to formulate another plan of action. Mom and dad will probably think I am scared of him again, but I will just have to deal with that for now.

Another problem is the little fleabag just acts so cute, he gets my parents oohing and aahing all the time. UGH! Trust me, he is NOT CUTE or ADORABLE! What self-respecting cat in this world would stoop to playing fetch? Give me a break.

Well I am signing off now, to go ponder my dilemma further. Anyone with any suggestions, please let me know. Ask you cats for me, ask your dogs? Send your birds to my house for lunch (YUM!), just anybody, PLEASE HELP!

Posted by at April 23, 2005 11:15 AM

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