How Hard Is It?

No, I am not talking about that, this is a family friendly site, get your mind out of the gutter.

I am talking about household chores, I mean, really, how hard can they be?

This one is for Telos, out of respect for his dilemmas.

I am sure that almost any woman on the planet who has at some point had a husband and/or children has faced this same problem. No, guys, I am not leaving you out of this, I am well aware there are some of you who face the same dilemma with your women folk. The problem is, how to convince them that little household chores are really not that difficult and don't require a Master's Degree in Engineering to accomplish.

I am not talking about moving all the furniture and renovating the entire house, either. I am speaking of those little things, like putting the new toilet paper roll on the dispenser and throwing away the empty cardboard tube, or tossing your dirty clothes into the hamper where they belong instead of on the floor, six inches away from it.

We've all experienced it at one time or another, we make that request for something to be done and the standard response is "Okay, in a minute."
Boy, doesn't that minute get awful long? I never realized before the time change that occurs between the chore requester and the chore doee, instead of sixty seconds, their minute can turn into sixty hours, or even more.

Before they "get around to it," the sink counter in the bathroom looks like a cardboard tube convention just hit town and the garbage has hardened and is ready to be used as art deco furniture. And mercy be on the poor person who is hunting the clothes to fill the washer on laundry day, by the time they can find them all, six months worth of laundry days have passed and the clothes have long been outgrown.

Now here are some simple instructions to aid the people in question and feel free to point them towards this screen.

CHANGING THE TOILET PAPER ROLL

This one is really very simple but I will break it down, step by step, just in case it is beyond your comprehension:

1) Slip one finger into the edge of the roll holder.
2) Depress this side of the holder
3) Let it fall out into your hand. (Really, it's okay, you haven't broken anything!)
4) Slip the empty cardboard tube off and set aside.
5) Remove new toilet paper roll from package. (Dont forget to scream and ask where this package is kept!)
6) Slide new roll over the roll holder
7) Position new roll, on holder, over the appropriate receptacle. (I know, this is getting really complicated but you will survive, I swear!)
8) Depress one end of roll holder. (Yes, it's okay to use the same finger as you did in step 1.)
9) Slide roll on holder into place and remove finger.
10) Leave empty cardboard tube on counter or floor for someone else to dispose of, after all you have already worked up a sweat, and you're not sure where the garbage can is anyway.

Voila, now don't you feel like you have just made a major accomplishment in your life?

LAUNDRY HAMPER/BASKET

This one is really simple, I promise!

1) Remove soiled articles of clothing. (or not, if you want to hang out in the hamper.)
2) Gently bend from the waste, or knees if you have a bad back. (You probably strained it doing the toilet paper roll anyway!)
3) Extend thumb and pointer finger
4) Using a pinching motion, grab clothes from floor.
5) Gently rise to a standing position. (This will prevent dizziness from blood rushing to your head, since you aren't used to bending over for anything.)
6) Using other hand, raise lid of hamper or extend the arm holding soiled clothes over the laundry basket. (Don't worry, the little weight of the lid will not hurt you and you can always claim it on your workout sheet for the day!)
7) Simply drop soiled clothing article inside.
8) Repeat steps 1 through 7 until all of your soiled articles are in their rightful spot.
9) Go sit and relax, the laundry fairy will take care of the rest from here.

Wow, you really are getting the hang of this!

TAKING OUT THE TRASH

Okay, this one requires some work so pay close attention:

1) Since the household garbage fairy has already gotten it ready for you, simply pick up the bag in question.
2) Walk towards the door with bag dangling from hand(s). (No, not the closet, we don't want to store it for Christmas decor!)
3) Extend hand towards door and turn the knob. (I know this is hard, set the bag down for just a moment if you must.)
4) Walk out door.
5) Wak back in door to retrieve bag which you forgot to pick back up after having set it down to accomplish step 3.
6) Place bag in nearest trash can.
7) Return to house feeling a sense of accomplishment, now you can watch tonight's episode of Survivor without guilt. (If you need a definition of guilt, try Merriam-Webster)
7) Go relax, the garbage fairy will handle it from here on out.

Now, maybe these will help but I have to warn you all, You can lead a horse to water...........

Posted by at April 7, 2005 07:42 AM

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