I'm Only Trying to Help

It wasn't really the poor woman's fault. She was trying to be nice to me; just making idle conversation when I jumped all over her. I had stopped into a jewelry store to pick up a repaired pearl necklace when the pleasant lady behind the counter complemented me on my pearls.

I told her I had gotten them free online. That was when she made a huge mistake. She admitted that she had never shopped online. She said she was afraid to take the plunge; it all made her so nervous. I wanted to reach across the counter and slap some sense into her.

Instead, I started telling her about all the great deals I have gotten online. From free pearl necklaces and earrings to dirt-cheap printers, bedding and toys. I started out slowly and casually, mentioning a few interesting deals. She nodded politely, but I felt I wasn't quite getting through. Before I knew it, I was ranting about the thrill of deal-hunting and the rush you get from a really great deal. She was backing away trying to make eye contact with store security. I calmed down and ran some numbers for her. That's when I finally had her full attention. She moved in closer, scarcely daring to believe what I was assuring her was true.

I pressed a DealofDay.com magnet into her hand as I left. I had just given her the address for finding good fun and great deals. Her eyes were misty, perhaps a bit emotional from anticipating her first really major bargain. I could tell she couldn't wait to get home, log on and see for herself. I felt good. I had successfully recruited another cybershopper.

When I got home there was a package waiting for me. Unfortunately, my neighbor happened to be shoveling her walk when I went out to get it. Poor thing had a front row seat for another one of my awkward and embarrassing 'happy dances'. I dragged the box just inside the front door and tore it open. I was so excited that I ran onto the front porch and started screaming across the road to her that I was now the proud owner of all the inhabitants of the Island of Misfit Toys from "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer". "I got the whole darn set for a song!", I hollered. She leaned on her shovel and sighed heavily. Used to my rantings, she waited for me to calm down, then placated me with an indulgent "How wonderful for you, you must be so proud". Turning her back, just in case I felt the need to dance some more, she resumed her shoveling.

Another nice neighbor kindly invited me to a home candle party recently. I can only imagine the scene in her living room as I go berserk over the prices in the catalog and begin telling people which sites to visit for deals on candles. From there, it wouldn't be much of a stretch for me to climb up on her coffee table and shred the home party catalog, while telling people that they could easily get a dozen candles, nice candles too, for the price of one of hers and avoid shipping and most likely get a rebate. Before I left her party, I would have these dozen or so women chanting "Deal of Day! Deal Of Day!". Definitely best for all concerned that I decline the party invitation, after all we still need to be neighbors after the candle smoke clears.

I now realize that I have become the kind of crazed zealot I have always avoided on city streets. Would I soon be standing out on sidewalks handing out pamphlets about DealofDay.com? Would I be walking the streets in my hometown wearing a sandwich board emblazoned with the Dealof Day.com logo? (Hey, Mr. Mayor - don't get any ideas!) Would it come to that? I used to be just a humble deal-user, content to indulge my habit in private. Now, I had to admit to myself the ugly truth. Somewhere I had crossed the line and become a deal-pusher. I suppose, as with other addictions, admitting I have a problem is my first step toward getting help. Until that help arrives, I think I'll just keep shopping.

Posted by mayor at April 7, 2005 11:30 PM

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