Men are from Sears Hardware Women are from Macy's
by The Cybershopaholic
Every year my husband agonizes over buying gifts for me. Birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, whatever the occasion, Mr. Wonderful is a soul in torment. Deep in denial, the poor thing avoids shopping for as long as possible, then outta nowhere, Whammo! The ol' calendar whomps him upside the head.
Taken totally by surprise by these annual events, he suffers a crippling brain freeze. The brain freeze renders him incapable of rational thought and erases all memories of me, my personal preferences and any gift hints I may have dropped. In his frozen mind I become a virtual chalk outline. Our marriage becomes like a dream to him. The more he thinks, the more elusive the details become. He is focused on one thought - "Must buy gift for phantom wife." Driven by guilt and fear, he strikes, like some sort of shopping cobra, and sinks his fangs into the first thing he sees.
Case in point - two years ago we were celebrating my birthday with family. Mr. Thoughtful proudly presented me with an awkward parcel. Smiling, I tore off the wrapping paper. The only awkward thing remaining in the room at that point was silence. "A vacuum cleaner", I observed, slowly coming to terms with it.
"Yeah, our old one was starting to go and since you are the one who mostly uses it, I thought it was the perfect gift. This thing is great! Look at all the attachments!" Pleased with his choice and oblivious to my reaction, he dashed off to get some tools to assemble my prize.
Once he left the room, my mom, barely able to contain her mirth, patted my arm and said, "I think it's safe to say Dear, the romance is over."
A little shopping tip for the fellas: Nature isn't the only thing that abhors a vacuum.
Mr. Wonderful isn't alone in his cluelessness. It seems guys in general have a tough time with this gift concept. My friend's dad bought her mom a floor polisher for Christmas one year. Luckily for him, he also got her a fancy party dress for New Year's Eve, or else he may have had to have the floor polisher surgically removed.
My Dad was a pretty thoughtful guy, bordering on downright sentimental at times. He had wonderful taste in jewelry and even had a few pieces designed just for my mom. One year, he made a dramatic departure from his usual gift buying patterns. He must've thought she was getting tired of opening little velvet boxes, so he outdid himself by gifting Mom with a shiny new snowblower. My mom, who makes her living as an attorney and is as a rule fairly eloquent, was at a loss for words. If I'm not mistaken, that particular silence lasted quite awhile.
Another little shopping tip for the fellas: Women NEVER tire of opening little velvet boxes.
To their credit, most guys make this type of mistake only once in any one particular marriage or relationship. Most clue in from the reaction and switch their shopping venues, from Sears Hardware to Macy's. Those who don't pick up on the hint the first time may find themselves unwrapping elegant crystal vases or gorgeous earrings on their birthdays.
I realize that gifts should be graciously received in the spirit in which they were given. After all it is the thought that counts. It is hard to be gracious however, when you know that the main thought behind the gift was one long scream of anguish. "Oh, nooooooo! I have to go shopping! Arrrggghhhh! I hate to shop!"
Posted by mayor at April 4, 2005 11:37 PM
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