Sick and Tired
My credit card company called the other night. I figured it was a routine solicitation for some service upgrade, or a concern over a charge. Much to my surprise, they wondered if I was OK and did I need help. Our house has been afflicted with the cold and flu plague and it hasn't been pretty. I spent several days making like Florence Nightingale, busily tending to the sick and pathetic. The next thing I knew all my tender loving care was rewarded by being afflicted with the worst of everyone's symptoms. My version of the plague combined a head cold courtesy of the kids and the flu from my beloved. Needless to say, my online shopping took a nose-dive.
When I went for ten full days with out charging anything, the credit card company became concerned. The representative on the phone mentioned that several of the credit card company stockholders were ready to work together in shifts to come and nurse us back to health. I told her that I felt the worst was over and I might feel up to making a few small purchases soon. That seemed to comfort her and she left a number where she could be reached, if I changed my mind.
I was a little overly optimistic. It seems that the kids and I are passing a nasty bug of some sort back and forth. As soon as one of us feels almost okay, then somebody's temperature goes through the roof. It's getting tiresome. At least Mr. Wonderful is better. He was the first to come down with the flu, so I had most of my patience intact. Tissue by tissue, teacup by teacup, moan by groan, he wore me down. I layered afghans and microwaved him special heating pads to comfort his aches. I made sure the kids left him alone and the remote was always close at hand. I made him tea and soup and tucked him into bed when he had had enough of the couch. After a few days he was back at work - just in time for me to come down with this evil bug.
Did anyone make me tea or fluff my pillow? The kids jumping up and down on the bed near my head does not qualify as pillow fluffing. Was I being comforted, or were the kids take total advantage of the fact that I had lost my voice? Is it fair that when Mr. Wonderful gets sick he stays home from work and gets babied, but when I get sick he goes back to work?
I'm thinking of starting a new HMO - Healthy Mom Organization. My health care plan for moms would work like this: If mom gets sick, someone gets called in to take care of the kids and mom checks into a nice hotel with good room service. Mom is tended to 'round the clock by breathtakingly-handsome male nurses. Massages and sponge baths are optional, but highly recommended for their healing properties. The collected works of Harrison Ford and Sean Connery are available 24/7 on the hotel's cable service. All manner of comfort foods arrive at mom's bedside without having been pretasted, or poked by inquiring fingers. In other words, there will still be noodles in the chicken noodle soup and the Jell-O will not look like Swiss cheese from having been test-jiggled for mom's dining pleasure.
I personally know of dozens of moms who would sign up for this kind of health plan. Since many of them are rabid shoppers as well, I think I can get my credit card company to provide the capital to back this venture. This is not about frivolous indulgences; this is about keeping homes running smoothly and the economy healthy during cold and flu season. Well, if you will excuse me, I need to find where my home health aides have hidden the tissues this time and if I can wade through the wreckage in the kitchen, I might be able to suck the last few drops of cough syrup out of the bottle. It's nice to know that at least the credit card company cares.
Posted by mayor at April 6, 2005 01:28 AM
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