Small Consumers are Big Business

What sense does it make to market a product to an unemployed, uneducated person with no driver's license (much less a vehicle to drive), no checking account, and no credit cards? A lot of sense...if you're marketing to a preschooler!

Yep, these littlest consumers really are big business and companies know it. Why else do we have, oh, something like 500 different sugar-flavored cereals in the cereal aisle these days? Most adults have a favorite 3 or 4 cereals we're pretty happy to stick with -- give me Raisin Bran, Life, Cap'n Crunch, and Banana Nut Crunch -- but kids are an entirely different animal.

Thanks to the 24 hour ad channels we lovingly call Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, and Nickelodeon, my kids know that Lucky Charms has new color-changing marshmallow moons. They know there's a limited edition chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies cereal out. They HAVE to have the Incredibles cereal, and what Powerpuff Girls fan could possibly be without THEIR cereal in their pantry?

Yep, marketers know how the typical trip to Wall-to-Wallmart is going to play out: Mom goes in with the best of intentions, shopping list written on her envelope stuffed full of coupons...but Junior the Consumer has his own plans. As Mom studiously examines the cost-per-ounce (taking coupons into consideration) of Malt-o-Meal vs. store brand vs. General Mills Cheerios, Junior is shrieking, "MAMA MAMA MAMA, they have Chocomarshalot Berrilicious with a cartoon DVD inside!! MAMA MAMA MAMA!!!"

And the purchasing process begins. Product pitchsters know this. Moms will do just about anything to quiet down a child screaming in Wall-to-Wallmart.

This week, my preschool daughter finally began sleeping in her own bed all night. (sigh...a story for another day) Her reward was to pick out any toy she wanted, within reason, at Target. I tried to get her to think of what she wanted before she got there so this wouldn't be an all-day event, and she said she already knew: Doggie Daycare. A frightening concept, in my opinion, these play sets feature pets as preschool caregivers. Advertised ad nauseum on the "kid channels," my daughter has been wanting one of these since, oh, the ads started running.

So I'm happy. We're going into Target's toy department with a plan. One item. Easy in, easy out, and we'll be grocery shopping in no time. Yeah, self-delusion is a powerful thing.

Skipping the "boy toys," skipping the dolls, skipping the board games, going straight to the Doggie Daycare aisle...I'm so proud of myself. Yep, easy in, easy out. This'll be fast.

Or not. "MAMA MAMA MAMA, they don't have the one with the swingset!!! WAHHHHHH!!!" The one with the swingset?? Uh...how about this one with the nursery? "NO!!!" Um...this smaller one with the cat? "NO!!! I WANT THE SWINGSET ONE! WAHHHHHH!!!"

Note to marketers: It does no good to highly promote your products if you don't keep enough in stock.

What was in stock yesterday was my daughter's first-runner-up choice: the American Idol Barbie. We're all big Idol fans at my house, so I thought this would be cute. Oh, but no. The included karaoke machine plays one song: "Oops, I Did it Again." And not even the whole song, just one part...over and over and over. Can I tell you how creepy it is to have Barbie, dressed up in her hoochie-mama outfit, her body unnaturally contorted (this is the only Barbie I've ever seen that won't stand up straight...she's molded to have one of her hips jutting out in an attitude pose), singing, "I'm not that innocent." And the bigger question is, do I want my 4 year old singing that?

So...American Idol Barbie is about to get "lost." I'd return her to the store if I hadn't had to rip the box to shreds to get the half-dozen twist-ties off her. Yet another brilliant idea by the marketers.

Moral of the story: get a babysitter before you hit Wall-to-Wallmart. It's more cost-effective...plus it'll give you more freedom to look for those vitamins you saw advertised during General Hospital...and the exercise book Oprah was talking about...and what was the name of that new candy bar with the pretzels and nuts that you saw a coupon for in that magazine...

Kids! They're SO susceptible to marketing ploys. Where DO they learn it? ;)

Posted by at March 30, 2005 05:48 AM

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