Stupid Questions Deserve Stupid Answers!

You all know what I am talking about, there is always someone, in every crowd, who asks the stupidest question imaginable, when the answer is so obvious it is practically slapping them in the face. It may happen in a store or on the phone, but it sure makes you wish that your parents had never taught you any manners.

Here are just some of my favorite examples, and I am sure the everyone has some doozies they can add from personal experiences.

I am in the grocery store at the checkout, placing the groceries from my buggy onto the belt. Suddenly the cashier asks, "Are you ready to check out?"

(Why no, I don't, I was just bored today and wanted to see how much stuff I could fit in a buggy, now, would you mind putting it all back for me??)

After 20 minutes roaming a store for assistance, which shall remain "***-Mart" nameless, I finally get them to page the person working in the electronics department. I wait patiently by the register for them to arrive and when they do, they ask, "Did you need help with something?"

(No, not really, I had some time to kill, and I was just curious to see how long it would take you to get here. Bye!)

During another checkout adventure at this same, nameless, store, I had all my items on the belt and handed the young cashier my stack of coupons, so she asks, "Are you using all these?"

(Nope, I just like to hand you paper to confuse you!)

In the drive-through at my bank, we pull up and drop a deposit slip, and several checks into the tray. After glancing over the papers, the teller asks, "Do you have an account with us?"

(Nope, I just always deposit my money in strange banks, so I don't lose it!)

And another one of those great do you have an account questions:
Being disabled and unable to run around and pay bills some days, I use the online payment services as much as possible. One day I was having difficulties logging in to my phone company account. I called the toll free customer service number. The automated system requests account information and etc. so I punch it all in on my phone. After going through all this, I finally reach a live person and explain my problem. She asks, "Do you have an account with us?"

(No, but I love paying bills so much, I just wanted to log in and pay somebody's, anybody's!)

This weekend we invited friends over for a turkey dinner, I had it cooking in a huge electric roaster on the kitchen counter. Now when our friends arrived, it was DOUBLE stupid question time. The first was sniffing the air and asking, "Are you cooking the turkey?"

(Nah, it's just new air freshener, do you like it?)

The second was "Oh, Are you cooking it in your electric roaster?"

(No way, I just thought it made good kitchen decor, you know, some people like canisters and knick-knacks, I like to have no counter space left at all.)

Everyone stayed overnight and the next morning brought another round. The gentleman goes out to make coffee, as I enter the kitchen, he grabs a full can of Maxwell House from the refrigerator and asks. "Is this the coffee?"

(Now, why on earth would I have coffee in the coffee can that has never been opened, and is clearly labeled "COFFEE"? I hate it when people do logical things like that.)

To make room for everyone around the diningroom, I had move the cat food dishes and food bins. The cats are gnoshing and my friend looks over and says. "Oh, is that their food dishes?"

(Absolutely not, you are just hallucinating and so are the cats!)

The new neighbors were also good for a few, their phone wasn't on yet and she needed to call the landlord about a problem. My cat, Mr. Whiskers has to greet everyone who comes in, as she walks in she asks, "Is this your cat?"

(Huh? Cat, what cat? I don't have any cats!)

The next goody occured when she went to use the phone, my AT&T cordless was sitting on the couch table and she asks, "Is this your phone?"

(Nope, the phone is really two tin cans with string, I just keep that one because it looks good!)

I am a book hound, I have about 1,000 of them sitting around the house. Some on shelves, some in boxes, and some sitting out that I am reading. A guest walks in and asks, "Are those all YOUR books?"

(Well, really, the local library ran out of storage space, so I volunteered our apartment!)

My friend and I went to a store in another town the other night, they were having triple coupons, and being total cheapskates, we wanted to see what goodies we could find. At the checkout, I hand the cashier my coupons, shopping card, and my set of triplers. She swipes my card, hands it back, looks at the triplers, (I am betting you can already see where this is going,) and asks, "Are you using your triplers?"

(Of course not, I don't want to use them, I just cut them out of the flyer to test my new scissors!)

And sometimes, stupidity takes on a whole new level as we experienced with this same cashier. I mean, have you ever noticed that some people have a real problem with basic math? You have to wonder who in their right minds left them in charge of a cash register and counting money! I was finished checking out and was waiting for my friend to finish. She had 2 bags of cat food and a corresponding coupon for 2dollars off 2 of the bags of cat food.

When the cashier came to this coupon, she said she couldn't take the $2 off, because the cat food was only 1.29 each and she couldn't give over the amount of the item. Believe it, or not, it took both of us, 20 minutes to explain to her, that the coupon was off TWO bags and TWO bags totaled 2.58 so she was entitled to the whole 2dollars off.

Another one of my favorite, stupidity tales, involves a cashier at a different store. I had just run in to grab a few items. The cashier rang up my purchases and gave me my total. I handed her a 10 dollar bill, and just as she went to punch it in, the computer went down. My total was 7 dollars and 47cents, I was in a hurry and asked her to give me my change so I could leave. She then informed said, "I am sorry, you'll have to wait for the other girl to get over here, I never learned how to count backwards, they don't teach us that in school anymore." I have to admit, I was flabbergasted, they don't teach subtraction anymore? The other girl finally came over, she apologized and and reiterated that they aren't taught how to do this in school. She said the only reason she knew was because she had previously worked at a different store and they taught her. HUH??????? Is it really that hard to subtract my total from 10 dollars and come up with change in the amount of 2dollars and 53cents?

I just can't imaging going into a store and not being able to add up my own change to make sure I get the right amount back. Now, I am not ashamed to say, that I realize I am a pretty intelligent person, but basic math was something I always took for granted that everyone learned in grade school.

Personally, I vote we all just start saying exactly what pops in our heads in response to the stupid questions and situations and maybe, just maybe, if we are really lucky, someone will give up and learn something!

Posted by at April 11, 2005 11:58 AM

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