The Life Cycle of a Shopper

It is funny how the life cycle of a shopper changes. When I was a kid, I wanted Liddle Kiddles and the latest Barbie accessories. When I got older, my best friend Amy and I would shake our parents down for money and gather all baby-sitting proceeds and hit the coolest mall in Michigan.

It was the late 70's and the newly-built Fairlane Mall called us to empty our purses among the three magnificent ultra-modern orange and harvest-gold levels of teenage shopping nirvana. It had a glass elevator, an indoor ice rink and even a monorail that looped over to a swanky hotel nearby. The ice rink and monorail both failed eventually. (For those of you unwilling or unable to pay attention during the '70s, Sky Lab is no longer in orbit and the metric thing didn't work out either.)

For weeks prior to the big shopfest, we studied the latest magazines, compared notes and made detailed lists. We were teenagers and legally insane. We bought circulation-stopping jeans and blouses with metallic thread running through them in shades that matched our eye shadow. We did the Annie Hall look. We did the disco diva thing - even though we preferred to listen to Bob Seger and Queen. Comfort was of no import as long as we thought we looked good. Judging from our less than full dance cards at social functions, it is possible we missed the mark.

Then came college, or the lean shopping years. In case you have ever wondered why women raid our boyfriends' closets in college, it is because we are too poor to shop, yet are hormonally required to get new wardrobe pieces approximately every 10 days. This explains why relationships come and go so quickly for college students. It isn't that the new guy is so much better than the current one, it is just that the new guy represents a fresh opportunity to accessorize on the cheap.

When Mr. Wonderful and I got engaged, we phoned our parents with the good news. Immediately his mother popped an even bigger question, "Where do you want to register for gifts?". My future spouse told his mom, "This is Bonnie we're talking about here. She doesn't want china and crystal....". I ripped the phone out of his hands before he could prove to his mother how little he knew about me. I assured my future mother-in-law, the undisputed 'Queen of Macy's', that I did too want that stuff. Mr. Wonderful looked shaken and asked if there was anything else I was keeping from him, such as current husbands or warrants for my arrest. I assured him that I had no such secrets. It wasn't that I intentionally kept my desires for the basics of civilized life from him, but rather the subject of china patterns had never come up while we were sucking coffee out of paper cups, swilling beer out of bottles and devouring pizza straight from the box.

As I settled into marriage and motherhood, I shopped for years at food co-ops. It seemed like the money saving, socially responsible, community-involved thing to do. But what can you do with 12 pounds of extra-firm organic tofu that won't have your toddler spending hours on his play phone pretending to talk to the pizza delivery guy? "Puppewonie and weal cheese, extwa cheese. No soy cheese, yucky!!! Huwwy, me stawving to def!"

Now I am back full circle to buying candy and toys again. I don't buy many clothes anymore because I have a closetful that I plan to wear again eventually - as soon as they come back into style, or the kids stop using me as a napkin/ tissue. I also have dreams of using those wedding gifts again someday. I know there will be a time when romantic dinners at a beautifully set table will be a part of our lives. I have it all planned: dressed in what will be considered 'vintage' clothing by then, we will toast each other with crystal goblets of Ensure and nibble our Metamucil wafers off the good china.

Posted by mayor at March 29, 2005 06:04 PM

Do you like to write? Get your own article on Deal of Day! Send email to The Mayor for more information!