The Soap of Christmas Past
by The Cybershopaholic
As I strolled through a store yesterday, shopping for some Halloween decorations, I noticed a woman stocking up on Christmas wreath-making materials. I'm thinking pumpkin guts and she's trimming trees. Yikes! Glancing at a display of Santa Claus soap dishes, I began to reminisce. I thought back to last year when DealofDay was a newborn site and I was a newbie in the world of online shopping.
Last Christmas, I was in the throes of an online shopping frenzy. The tapping and clicking emanating from my desk could have easily drowned out Santa's whole team stamping all 32 hooves on our roof. I was delirious trying to capitalize on all those incredible first-time customer deals. I was making like Monty Hall on speed. Some company made me an offer I couldn't refuse. But in order to maximize the deal, I needed to buy over a certain dollar amount. To make the numbers come out right, I tossed a four-pack of bath soap into my e-shopping cart. When the package arrived a few days later, the soap was backordered. Time passed and I soon forgot all about it - until Christmas Day.
(Your screen should ripple now as we do a flashback to Christmas past. Adjust your monitor to black and white if you want to go for the whole "It's a Wonderful Life" experience.)
I was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches, Martha Stewart style, on the roast goose... just one more sprig of fresh thyme. Over the sounds of my happy family in the other room, I heard the distinctive sound of the mail truck pulling up our snowy road. Quickly wiping goose grease off my hands and onto my crisply-ironed poinsettia apron, complete with festive red rickrack, I dashed to the door. I could not have been more stunned if Santa himself just pulled up in his sleigh. No, it can't be. Why it's Christmas Day, I thought to myself, placing the back of my hand to my forehead in shock. (I do a great Donna Reed imitation).
Just for a moment I got excited, thinking maybe American Family Publishers finally got their act together and had chosen the rightful heir to the vast Dick Clark-Ed McMahon fortune. Wait. It's a package. I wonder who sent us a special surprise? A man no one would ever mistake for a jolly ol' elf, (can you say disgruntled?) climbed out of the battered mail truck, scrambled over an iceberg at the curb, slip-slided up the walk, and unceremoniously tossed the mystery package onto my front porch.
After making sure he was unarmed, I dashed onto the porch. When no obvious ticking was coming from the box. I grabbed it. The smile froze on my face when I saw the return address. I knew immediately that it was the backordered soap. Trying to make him feel as if he hadn't run a fool's errand, I shouted after him, "Thank goodness! Great Aunt Otha's replacement pacemaker parts arrived! Now it will be a Merry Christmas. God Bless us everyone!"
I came back into the house. My husband wanted to know what all the shouting was about and what was in the box. Before anyone else noticed and demanded an embarrassing public presentation, I quickly shushed him up with a wink and told him it was a surprise for later. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows at me. He rejoined the party and I tossed the box into the broom closet, hoping he'd forget about it.
I wish I could tell you we were all stinking to high heaven on December 25th and desperately needed that soap to wash with. It wasn't even an exotic, aphrodisiac-infused, aromatically therapeutic spa-bar destined for someone's stocking. It was generic, nothin'-special soap. I felt awful. I felt like I had abused the US Postal Service with my frivolous priority mail order.
I took comfort in the rationalization that our mail carrier did not deliver mere soap in vain. Lo, a new holiday tradition had been born that day. From this season forward I vowed to share with loved ones, or any one who would listen, the story of the magical winter's day, as warm as an Irish Spring, when a beautiful Ivory Dove of peace bestowed tidings of cleanliness and Joy onto our home and our hearts.
Posted by mayor at April 5, 2005 11:38 PM
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